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What Do You Want Out of the Divorce Process? 

People don’t live their lives expecting litigation, a terrible separation or the other parent taking their children away from them. Although it is not always the case, people often find themselves overwhelmed by unexpected circumstances by the time they make it to the attorney’s office. It is not uncommon for a client to schedule an appointment after recently discovering the other spouse (or the other parent) has been making plans to separate for some time. Almost all cases begin in the “triage” stage, when someone’s day to day life has just been turned upside down. The “emergency phase” of a case usually involves necessary arrangements for the short-term, such as where to live, what to do about immediate financial support, and when a parent has visitation with a child. Once that emergency phase of the case settles down, perhaps there is a temporary agreement or temporary court order in place.

What Happens Now?

After the emergency phase of a case, the real work begins. Take inventory of what matters in your life. Clients who seek counseling or therapy tend to uncover important goals, especially when they’ve made accommodations for their mates over many years. Turmoil can provide new opportunities. You might decide to return to school or consider relocating to another city or state. Or, you want to make healthy long term co-parenting a priority not only for you children but your future grandchildren so your family won’t have to endure drama at events such as graduations and weddings. A career change might also be an option based on your new situation.

Talk To Your Attorney

Like any other relationships, attorney-client relationships involve all kinds of personalities. Some clients have clear objectives and take an active role in their case, others don’t. By default, your attorney should be advocating for as much of the marital property as possible, and if you are a parent, the goal is to get as much time with the child or children as possible. That’s obvious. But there’s so much more than that. Make sure to share your personal goals with your attorney if he or she doesn’t specifically ask. Although our job is to advocate for you, we will do a better job of advocating if you clearly express your plans. For example, we could try to structure alimony to coincide with the completion of college, or maybe it makes sense for one parent to remain in the family home until the youngest child reaches eighteen. If you are considering a new job one hundred and fifty miles away, we should take that into account when we analyze the visitation time with the children and the calculation of child support. After all, it is your life and although we advocate for you, the decisions are yours to make.  

Amy A. Edwards is a family law attorney in Greenville, NC, certified by the NC State Bar Board of Legal Specialization as a Family Law Specialist, and is licensed only in NC. Laws change. This article is current as of April 2017. www.AmyEdwardsFamilyLaw.com © 2017.  

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